Face to Face with Coaches

Let's just admit it. Talking with college coaches face to face for the first time can be nerve-wracking for a high school golfer. There's a lot on the line (scholarships, anyone?). Roster spots are limited. There is a generational gap between prospect and coach. And to top it all off, the background and accomplishments of the coach can be formidable.

Enough to turn the hardiest of prospects into a nice fresh batch of Jell-O on the first encounter.

Fear not!

The Hub's got you covered with practical advice that will allow you to slay the coach communication dragon once and for all. And even better, learning how to communicate effectively is a vital, transferable life skill, unlike say a 60-yard bunker shot.

What's not to like?

One additional word before we start. Coaches prefer the player to do most of the talking when they meet face to face, not the parent. This allows them to get to know their prospect better. So in this important step, the player takes the wheel!

Onward.

Here are our Hub recommendations on face-to-face communication with college coaches:

1. Research and over-prepare

Most people vastly underestimate the amount of time it takes to prepare for conversations with coaches. To put it simply, better preparation = better results. Even good old Ben Franklin knew this: "By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail."

To make sure your meeting flows smoothly, it's essential to have (a) conducted rigorous research on the coach and college golf team, (b) created a detailed list of questions, and (c) crafted and rehearsed credible answers to common coach questions. To prepare further, here at the Hub we recommend role-playing with a parent, teacher, guidance counselor, or family pet (okay, just kidding on that last one). It goes a long way toward sharpening your communication skills and building confidence!

2. Recognize the overall arc of the conversation

Much of human communication occurs in predictable and repeatable patterns. Communicating with coaches is no different. For example, the overall communication arc for an unofficial visit is as follows:

A. Small Talk B. Question and Answer (or Answer and Question) C. Next Steps D. Thank You

If you have half an hour or an hour to spend with the coach, recognize in advance that your conversation will follow this broad path. The trick then is to be prepared for each segment, which we'll cover next.

3. Learn how to make small talk

The term "small talk" is a bit misleading. While the topics covered are often small or trivial (like the weather), small talk is important. It "breaks the ice," allows you to ease into the conversation, makes people feel comfortable with each other, and finds valuable common ground. How small is that? Topics could range from the weather to your travel experience to the latest sports scores or world events. Or maybe the coach is from your home state or town. To excel at small talk, make sure you (a) have a ready stock of conversation topics or world events at hand, and (b) have done your research on the coach or program to dig for common ground.

4. Learn how to ask good questions

Here at the Hub we'd be willing to make a little wager. We bet that you probably learned how to dissect a toad in high school before you learned how to ask a good question (if you ever learned the art at all). Or even worse, people told you something crazy like "there are no bad questions." Not true! There are tons of bad questions (what these people really meant is "don't be afraid to speak up if you don't understand something"). In fact, you will ask tens of thousands of questions in your lifetime, many of which are vital to your life and career. So it's key to understand the art of asking a good question.

Understand that questions come in different types: open and closed. Open-ended questions allow the receiver to expand on a given topic, and closed-ended questions end with a given word or phrase. For example, consider the following two questions:

• Can you describe a typical week in the life of a team member?

• I heard college golfers practice a lot, is that true?

The first is open-ended and expansive. It's perfect for soaking up lots of valuable information. Given the point of your visit is to soak up as much information as possible, we recommend you use a heavy dose of very open-ended questions in your meeting. Check out our College Visits article for a detailed list of open-ended questions to ask the coach on your visit!

The second question above is closed-ended and can easily be answered with a short or terse phrase. Closed-ended questions are great for confirming specific pieces of information ("just to confirm, there are two roster spots open for my class year?") but bad for heavy-duty information gathering. Take note!

5. Master the art of answering questions

Let's say the coach asks you the seemingly inevitable: Why my program? This is a big old daddy of an open-ended question (like the infamous "tell me a bit about yourself"). These questions are tough because they can be answered in a near-infinite number of ways. Consider the following two answers:

I. "I have done a lot of research on your golf program. I love how competitive the program is and I think the practice facilities are first rate. I like the team members I've met and really think I can contribute to the team's success."

II. "Um, don't really know, guess I never considered it. I was just here to learn what you had to offer and sort of guess you guys are pretty competitive, so that's nice."

Which one works better? You guessed it. The first one is Hub-approved, and the second one is, well, let's just admit it, a train wreck.

Why does the first answer work so well? Let's break it down:

It uses "I" statements. Look at the first word of each sentence in the first answer. What does each sentence begin with? An "I" statement! In human communication, "I" statements are associated with a vital life skill called assertiveness, which is the ability to share and express your views constructively with other people. Assertiveness is different from other forms of human communication like passivity or aggressiveness. "I" statements work well because they assert your needs and views in a constructive fashion, demonstrate a healthy dollop of self-esteem, and often demonstrate determination. Consider a simple pattern like "I am. I can. I will." — three short "I" statements that pack a lot of confidence into a few words. Of course, don't overdo a good thing or you will sound wooden, but practice responding to those tricky questions with a heavy dollop of "I."

It expresses your feelings. "I" statements pair extremely well with statements on how you feel. For example, the answer above uses "I love" in the second sentence. This gives a coach emotional context, letting them know not just the cold, hard logic of why but also how you feel and what their program means to you. Don't be afraid to use a healthy dose of feeling mixed with your answers. Statements like "I am really excited about the opportunity to play for your program" or "I'm excited to hear more about your program" let the coach know just how you feel and can give you a communication edge.

It includes how you can help the coach. Like it or not, people are self-interested. Not exclusively so, of course, but we are wired to have our own interests in mind. The answer above works particularly well because it shows that you believe you can help the team grow and get better. Jackpot!

And just for the heck of it, let's analyze why the second answer is so bad. One phrase sums it up: too passive. It's passive all the way from the "um" at the start, to not being prepared in the first place, to frequent use of hedging language (I guess, sort of). Couple this with some weak body language (eyes pointed down, shoulders slouched), and rather than being a bright, shiny flower proudly displaying its wares, you are more like a limp reed tottering in the wind.

That will not get it done!

Practice the tips above with other big open-ended questions like: Tell me a bit about yourself. How can you help my program? We recommend you role-play with a parent to really get the hang of it. After a while, you'll master the skill just like riding a bike, and will be well on your way toward making a great first impression on the coach.

6. Get your body language right

A large share of how we communicate feelings and attitudes comes through nonverbal channels — tone of voice, facial expression, gestures, posture — not just the words themselves. Don't believe us? Experiment a bit. Try talking to a coach with your back turned to them. Or slouch a bit with your arms crossed and a big frown on your face. The reality is that your body language and facial expressions tell a story, and it's important to strive for winning body language.

Here is a list of Hub-approved nonverbals:

• Upright posture with shoulders back

• Face plane aimed right at the coach (eyes not tilted up or down)

• Relaxed and fluid gestures

• Frequent but not constant eye contact

• Expressiveness (if you are happy to be there, have a big smile on your face)

• Clean, well-ironed clothes that fit well

And avoid the following nonverbals:

• Slouched shoulders

• Eyes cast downward

• Infrequent or no eye contact

• Expressionless face

• Sloppy dress or appearance

7. Transition well with next steps

At the end of the conversation, you are going to want closure and certainty on how to take things forward. If you are a sophomore meeting with the coach on an unofficial visit, your next step might be telling the coach you will keep your Hub profile updated and that you will check in via email to keep them updated on your progress. If you are a junior with your sights set on the Ivy League or a college known for high academic standards, the agreed-upon next step might be to check back in with the coach when your SAT scores come in. Sometimes you will take charge of the next steps, and other times it's appropriate to let the coach dictate next steps. In the latter event, feel free to ask the coach an open-ended question like, "What do you see as next steps?" to get their views.

8. Learn how to close well

Always wrap the conversation up on a positive note. Thank the coach for their time and tell them you look forward to continuing the discussion. Simple as that!

Lastly, let's dive into a few quick Hub tips to help you manage jitters during the conversation.

1. Focus largely on what you can control

We recommend players focus largely on what they can control during the conversation with coaches. That list includes your preparation and rehearsal (vital) and overall attitude (even more vital). Try not to obsess about what the coach thinks of you or whether they approve of you. You can influence those things for sure, but you can never control them (coaches might only like players of a certain build, or background, or state). Why not direct your focus and energies toward the things that are in your power? Keep this in mind as you embark on your coach conversations.

2. Rigid desire = bad, flexible preference = good

Remember to keep things in perspective when you talk to coaches. For example, your conversation is important, but not all-important. The reality is that win, lose, or draw, you have a long life ahead of you with many more swings at the bat. To this end, steer clear of negative self-talk like "I must do well," or "I have to impress the coach." These kinds of rigid desires are breeding grounds for the worst types of nerves or jitters.

Instead, make sure your desires are flexible preferences. For example, try this thinking on for size:

"I really want to present myself well in front of the coach. In fact, I'm going to work hard at role-playing with my parents, dedicating an hour a day leading up to my meeting with the coach. I think this will leave me mentally prepared and confident for the meeting. It's what I can control. Ultimately, I hope the meeting goes well. But if it doesn't, I'll quickly regroup and try again, allowing the key learnings from the meeting to make me better on my next try."

What a difference between this and "I must do well!" The self-talk above works great because of its flexibility. It doesn't naively assume that things will go well (they may not!). And it prepares a contingency if things don't go well that bounces you right back on your feet, stronger than ever. What's not to like?

3. Slay fear with "What's the worst that can happen?"

To really slay nerves with the coach, try asking yourself the question, "What's the worst that can happen?" and conclude that the worst that can happen is not all that bad. This is an old mind hack with roots going back to the Stoic philosophers, who practiced imagining worst-case outcomes as a way to prepare for and defuse fear of them. The reason it works so well is that the mind very naturally concludes that the worst that can happen is "horrible or terrible," and hence breeds fear, which multiplies into more fear and so on. Asking yourself this question nips that process right in the bud and allows you to live a bolder and fear-free life. Now that's Hub-approved!

4. Accept it

Here's an old adage that we love here at the Hub: "You can't stop the butterflies, but you can get them flying in the right direction." Keep in mind that in many instances you might have a few butterflies in front of the coach. That's fine! The trick is just to accept it. This attitude is reflected famously in the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

We hope these tips are helpful! Who knew there was so much face-to-face communication with coaches? We can tell you this though: mastering the art of human communication can give you a big edge in the recruiting process. And, better yet, a big edge in life.

Now get out there and make it happen!

Enjoy your journey!